SFL Friday -- I Like Exactly HALF This Picture!

Dang does Frank dress up nice!

I'm so pissed at Blogger for eating my posts and making me have to focus today almost exclusively on (1) my cases; and (2) deciphering the contents of Osama's porn stash.

Nearly as interesting as what's hawt right now in Abbottabad is this genuinely amusing defamation suit filed against the Internet.

Even better, our local intertubular representative in this epic legal fiasco is none other than bashful Brian Tannebaum.

Given the heavy hitters comprising the "Rakofsky 74" I am quite certain they will be ably represented, either by themselves or by that fabulous Coral Gables restaurateur Marc Randazzao.

This is the legal equivalent of Charlie Sheen -- someone needs to stop the train before it runs off the cliff.

(Let's see when -- or if -- Blogger posts this.)

Hyderabad Continues To Employ Many People.

And at least three hundred are personally assigned to assisting David Joffe craft the very best press release possible.

Here is the powerful opening paragraph:

People running helter-skelter to find the best criminal attorney in Fort Lauderdale do not have to worry now, as David J. Joffe is an expert best criminal lawyer in Fort Lauderdale to give a strong advocacy to your case.

"Expert best" -- I assume this is somehow better than just "best."

A near-perfect introduction, but is it possible to improve on this text?

Let's see:

Advocate Joffe also has a listing in the Martindale-Hubbell Bar Register of Preeminent Lawyers making him one of the top five criminal attorneys in the US.

Top five?

Not too shabby.

I don't want to roam into Brian Tannebaum's area of expertise, and I actually like David and think he's a fine lawyer, but isn't there a way to clean this up just a little bit?

Ok, this stuff is too good, here's one more:

Moreover, you will come across many advertisements in Fort Lauderdale for hiring a criminal attorney, but it is crucial not to depend on them because for a fort lauderdale criminal attorney what counts the most is experience.

Advocate David J. Joffe makes strategies for cases keeping in mind the minimization of effects and consequences of criminal cases, so that clients can have more of their concentration in their professional and personal lives.

All these along with the experience of various cases make Advocate Joffes credentials undisputable. You can stay completely satisfied with your case once Advocate Joffe takes your case in hand.

If you have an accusation registered in any criminal litigation, then it is in your best interest to consult Advocate Joffe and Joffe and his staff will devise an effectual defense plan.

I agree -- if your choices are between an "effectual defense plan" and an "ineffectual defense plan," I would tend to opt for the former but, again, this is not my area of expertise.

Take Your Child Someplace Other Than Work Day.

Sorry for the serial posts, but this just in from an opinionated, truth-telling wine nut:

Quick Question -- Can I Incorporate All Prior Allegations Into Each Subsequent Claim for Relief?

Beetle Shotgun

Let's discuss the acceptable level of crushed "common warehouse beetle" in your average serving of Similac baby formula.

I say 14 beetles per serving is acceptable, you say 10 is just right for our little tyke.

Ain't the free market grand?

But poor plaintiff's counsel had some trouble getting his beetles out of the box, so to speak, and Judge Cohn had to explain a few things:

Here, the eight-count Amended Complaint incorporates all of the “foregoing allegations” by reference into each subsequent claim for relief. See, e.g., Amended Complaint at 13. In other words, Plaintiff has filed a shotgun complaint. See Ferrell v. Durbin, 311 Fed. App’x 253, 259 (11th Cir. 2009) (“In shotgun style pleading, the complaint incorporates all of the general factual allegations by reference into each subsequent claim for relief.”). The Eleventh Circuit “has had much to say about shotgun pleadings, none of which is favorable.” Davis v. Coca-Cola Bottling Co., 516 F.3d 955, 979 n. 54 (11th Cir. 2008) (“[S]ince 1985 we have explicitly condemned shotgun pleadings upward of fifty times.”); Strategic Income Fund, LLC v. Spear, Leeds & Kellogg Corp., 305 F.3d 1293, 1295 n.9 (11th Cir. 2002) (“This court has addressed the topic of shotgun pleadings on numerous occasions in the past, often at great length and always with great dismay.”); Byrne v. Nezhat, 261 F.3d 1075, 1131 (11th Cir. 2001) (“Shotgun pleadings, if tolerated, harm the court by impeding its ability to administer justice.”); Anderson v. D. Bd. of Trs. of Central Fla. Cmty. Coll., 77 F.3d 364, 367 (11th Cir. 1996) (“Experience teaches that, unless cases are pled clearly and precisely, issues are not joined, discovery is not controlled, the trial court’s docket becomes unmanageable, the litigants suffer, and society loses confidence in the court’s ability to administer justice.”). Consequently, the Court will dismiss Plaintiff’s Amended Complaint, in its entirety, for this reason.

This drives me insane.

I mean Brian Tannebaum-with-crappy-internet-lawyer-marketers level insane.

Is there any reason -- ever -- to do this?  Even by accident?

Personally to me it's worse than a typo, it's sort of an intentional effort to purposely look foolish.

Congrats, you've succeeded!

Centennial Symposium Recap!

I must echo Rumpy and David O -- Robert Kuntz and Tim Ravitch put together a creative, informative and highly entertaining panel discussion today on "new media" and the 24-hour news cycle.

Kudos on a job well done.

In fact, it was so hip we actually got into a Twitter fight while making our presentations, and David managed to upload camera pics of the exciting, nonstop action.

A few highlights:

1.  Rump's voice-synthesized "I am Stephen Hawking" shout out.

2.  Brian Tannebaum calling this blog "a scabrous tumor that must be violently excised from the South Florida legal community before it slowly and inexorably kills us all."

(Brian, did I quote you right?)

3.  Eddie Dominguez of the DBR on their progressive and collaborative approach to new media, bloggers, plus how they all differ.

BTW, let me repeat -- we are extremely fortunate to have the DBR as our local professional and business newspaper, you guys are the best and we depend on you daily (on the weekends, however, we're totally screwed).

4.  Kendall Coffey holding up the panel discussion to do a five-minute segment with CNN on how to finally obtain lasting peace in the Middle East.

I'm kidding!

(It was actually on how best to solve the Japanese nuclear meltdown).

Either way, this guy really knows his stuff.

Have a great weekend!

South Florida Legal Blawgers To Waste Everyone's Time on Friday!

Yes it's true, kids, a veritable murderer's row of your favorites, all ready to answer important questions about why everyone wastes their time reading these stupid things:

Ripped from the Headlines: Eleventh Judicial Circuit Honors

100th Anniversary with Symposium on Media and the Courts

* * *

            The Eleventh Judicial Circuit Centennial Committee, Joseph H. Serota, Chair, is pleased to present "Ripped from the Headlines: The Vital, Tempestuous and Changing Relationship between the Court and Media."

             Symposium Chairs Robert Kuntz and Timothy M. Ravich will present a 3-part, half-day symposium showcasing important trials throughout the history of the Miami-Dade County judiciary and focusing on what the future holds as court cases are actively covered by new and emerging media sources.

• Part I – A multi-media historical presentation by the 11th Judicial Circuit’s Court Historian Judge Scott J. Silverman. This presentation will focus on the Court’s early relationship with the press, with an emphasis on Giuseppe Zangara’s attempted assassination of President-Elect Franklin D. Roosevelt at Miami’s Bayfront Park in February 1930.

• Part II - A panel discussion of the William Lozano shooting of Clement Lloyd, Lozano’s trial and re-trial, and the evolving relationship between the media and the Court.

• Part III – A panel discussion of the role that “new media” plays in the courtroom. The discussion will include blogging, Twitter, email, cameras in the courtroom, and feeding the 24-hour news cycle.

            Featured speakers include John Hogan, Mark Seiden, Roy Black, Joseph H. Serota, Bob Levenson, Kendall Coffey, David Markus, Brian Tannenbaum -- and special "appearances" by the writers of the legal “blawgs” The Justice Building Blog and South Florida Lawyer.

            The event is scheduled for Friday, March 25, 2011 beginning at 8:30 A.M. in Room 4-2 of the Miami-Dade Courthouse, For more information visit http://circuit100.com/events/courtmedia.html

Despite our presence, I do think it is unique and will be very interesting, plus it's for a very good cause.

We are only congregating in one place due to the hard work and fine efforts of symposium co-chair Robert Kuntz, an upstanding and highly respected attorney whose reputation for quality legal work and moral character is impeccable, who really should be a sitting judge as we speak, and who runs a literate and highly entertaining blog in his own right.

Oh yeah, and also Tim Ravich.

Tim knows I'm joking, to be fair this is a guy who did something with the Dade County Bar once and also spends a lot of time thinking about planes(!).

I even have a list of topics -- tentative of course.

They include:

Rumpole on why Anglophiles are sexy and make the best lawyers plus why escalators in courthouses should work at least some of the time;

David Markus on how to attract high-quality legal talent (hint -- marry them!) plus how to get the feds to pay your client's legal bills; and

Brian Tannebaum on how to win a Twitter fight (I think it involves "clouds," "Diggs" and "Tumblring"?).

As for me, the organizers have agreed to my standard twenty-four page contract rider, which specifies certain conditions of my appearance (btw -- thank you Robert and Tim for the oversized hot tub filled with Evian and patchouli -- I believe my remarks will be much more reflective, relaxed and peaceful).

Sorry kids, but you'll have to show up to hear the rest!