The World Is Ending Soon, Part MDCCCCLXXXXVIIII.

So apparently the other day a "Fountain Girl" fell into a mall fountain while texting, and over two million people thought this was an important event worthy of their valuable time, attention and fulsome mockery.

Enter her attorney James M. Polyak, who says he is conducting an investigation and considering a lawsuit:

"We are troubled by the fact that anyone at the Berkshire Mall responsible for releasing this video would find humor in an employee injured on the premises," Polyak said. "We intend to hold the appropriate persons responsible.

"No one from that security office came to her aid in a timely manner."

Holy hail.

Holy hail no!

James, in the name of all that is Holy and for the profession as a whole, let this go.

There may or may not be a viable claim here but regardless -- let this one go.


Please, we've been dinged around enough, no one wants to answer questions about this case at a cocktail party, when your spouse's friends are over,  or when someone sees your Bar card at Publix.

James, please spare us just this once.